You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
