Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
