if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize