So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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