According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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