Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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