You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
