Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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