I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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