Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
