woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
