very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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