apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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