Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
