i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize