He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
