It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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