Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
