There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
