My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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