seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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