Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
