I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I touched a dick in church today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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