When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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