This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
