Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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