just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
