my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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