My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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