So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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