Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
