Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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