how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
