i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
