We won't sleep together?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
