:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
