break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
