I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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