Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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