he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
