do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
