i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
