just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
