i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
