So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
