Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
