You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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