So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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