No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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