i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
