why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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