my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
