this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
