Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
