You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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