I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
