Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
