EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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