if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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