dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
