her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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