You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
