wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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