Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
