dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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