I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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