I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
