It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
