Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
