Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
