What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
