oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
