when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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