She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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