i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
