woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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