Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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