Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
